How to Finally Hear Your Intuition After Years of People-Pleasing

A superpower for women who want to reclaim their lives.

One day, you wake up and realize you’ve built a whole life around other people’s needs, and you have no idea what you actually want.

This is a defining moment for many of the women I work with as a psychotherapist.
It often brings a wave of emotions: anger, shock, confusion, and even grief.

If you’ve been a people pleaser, the helper, the strong one, or the "easygoing" one, there’s a good chance you’ve been rewarded for suppressing your needs, maybe even your personality.

You might not have done it to be fake.
You did it to be safe. To stay loved. To belong.
And over time, your preferences, wants, and even your voice started to fade.

That’s because, to cope with a chaotic world, you learned to scan the room and faces of others before taking a step forward.

Maybe now you are ready to claim the life you want and answer big questions like: What fulfills me? Do I want children? How do I want to spend my days? Does this relationship have a future?

But all you hear back is “I don’t know” or what your response “should” be.

You need to reconnect with your intuition to know what you want, not what others want for you.

What Is Intuition?

Intuition is your inner compass. It’s the subtle knowing that lives beneath your thoughts.

It's how your body tightens around a "no" before your mind can justify saying "yes."
It's the flicker of curiosity that sparks before your inner critic drowns it out.
It’s the sensation of truth before permission kicks in.

In psychology and neuroscience, it’s increasingly recognized as a real cognitive process that integrates experience, emotion, and internal cues faster than conscious reasoning can.

According to researchers like Dr. Gerd Gigerenzer, director of the Max Planck Institute for Human Development, intuition is not the opposite of logic but instead is a form of unconscious intelligence.

He defines it as "knowing without knowing how you know."

From a neuroscience perspective, intuition stems from the brain's ability to recognize patterns through nonconscious processing.

In less fancy terms, intuition is your brain and body working together behind the scenes, using stored emotional memories, sensory data, and social context to give you a felt sense of what’s true, often in the blink of an eye. Pretty cool, right?

If you've spent years people-pleasing, your intuition may be buried under a thick layer of "shoulds."

The good news?
Intuition doesn’t disappear.

Why Intuition Matters

Intuition matters because it’s how you remember yourself. This internal GPS helps you make decisions based not on obligation or fear but on “gut feeling.”

Intuition tells us what feels aligned, easeful, or quietly thrilling.

For people-pleasers especially, intuition is often buried under layers of “shoulds” and survival strategies, making it harder to hear that inner yes or no.

But tuning back in isn’t about becoming impulsive or dramatic; it’s about rebuilding a relationship with your inner knowing, one small moment at a time.

The more you listen, the more you begin to trust yourself again. And when you trust yourself, your desires get louder, your boundaries get clearer, and your life starts to feel like yours again.

Story Time

If you still aren’t convinced of the power of intuition, let me tell you a quick story. In a now-famous case cited by psychologist Gary Klein in his research on decision-making, a seasoned firefighter was leading his team into a burning house when he suddenly shouted for everyone to evacuate, without knowing why.

There was no visible danger, no unusual cues, just a vague, uneasy feeling inside of him that something wasn’t right.

Moments after the crew left the building, the floor collapsed. Had they stayed even seconds longer, they would have been trapped or killed.

Later analysis revealed that his intuition had picked up on subtle environmental cues: an unusual quiet, intense heat at floor level, and a strange absence of visible flames. Based on years of embodied experience, his brain synthesized that data faster than conscious reasoning could and sent a clear signal: Get out.

His body "knew" something his conscious mind hadn’t caught up to yet. Listening to that intuitive pull saved not only his life but also the lives of all his team members.

Strengthen Your Intuition

You might be eager to strengthen your intuition by now, so let me share a tool I use with clients. This is called tuning into your felt sense. The felt sense is based on Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing method and somatic psychology; it’s the subtle, physical experience of knowing that often arises before words do.

Here’s how to try it:

1. Pick a low-stakes decision or check-in point.
   Something like: Do I want to go to this event? Do I need rest or movement right now? Should I say yes to this request?

2. Sit quietly and close your eyes.
   Take three mindful breaths. Then allow that question to come to mind.

3. Notice your body’s first reaction.
   Do you feel tightness in your chest? Lightness in your belly? A pull toward something? A clench? Warmth? Neutrality? Don’t judge if the reaction is “good” or “bad,” just pay attention to your body’s cues.

4. Ask gently:
   If this sensation could speak, what might it say?
   Does this feel like a yes, a no, or a not yet?

5. Resist the urge to rationalize.
   This isn’t about “making the right choice,” it’s about rebuilding trust with your internal signals.

Practice this with low-stakes questions as often as you can. Over time, this kind of check-in trains your nervous system to prioritize internal data, not just external validation. You're creating space for your body to speak and to actually listen.

It Takes Time

Reclaiming your intuition isn’t about becoming someone new; it’s about remembering who you were before the world told you to be small.

It won’t happen overnight.
It happens in the small, almost invisible moments: the tiny no you whisper instead of a yes, the sudden craving you honor without justification, the flicker of a feeling you take seriously instead of pushing away.

Your intuition is still there, ready to be heard; we need to strengthen the part of you that hears it.

🌟 Remember: your life deserves to feel like yours again! Be sure to like & share this with someone else who may need this message.

P.S. If you lost touch with your intuition in childhood, chances are you were “parentified,” AKA forced to take on adult roles as a kid. This can make it feel harder to reconnect with your intuition, so I made this digital workbook, “Reclaiming You,” to help you break free from old patterns and live your life more authentically. Check it out and let me know what you think!